The Influence of Lyrics

We all listen to music. It is everywhere. But in our busy lives when is the last time you stopped and listened to the lyrics of a song? If you had to sing along to one of your favorites, could you? And have you thought about what the artist is trying to express in the three or four minutes they have your attention?

Music is a big influence in my life and I love passing it along to others in hopes of bringing any kind of influence into their lives. From time to time, I give friends suggestions for new music or old songs they might have overlooked. I enjoy sharing something that has touched me and then hearing how it made an impression on them as well.

To help me spread how music can influence us, I want to start adding lyrics that mean something to me on my blog. I will do this without the artist’s name to one, help you keep an open mind and not bring any previous opinions into play that you might have had about them, and second to allow you to just focus on the message in the words that the songwriter wrote. Then if you ever would like to know who the artist or songwriter is, email me. Many times the songwriter is not necessarily the artist and too many times the message can get lost in the production of the song.

When a song starts playing in my ears, a movie usually begins to roll in my mind. It can be an old black and white favorite playing out my memories of times gone by or a fun future fantasy of desires yet fulfilled. But each is created by a fusion of thought and emotion brought on by melodic melody and rhyme.

I do my best thinking while really listening and losing myself in music. It has been my support, security, sanity and smile many times. So here is a song that came up on my iPod today while taking a long walk. See if it creates a film of your thoughts.

She was precious like a flower
She grew wild
Wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different

Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind

(chorus)
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy

So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it, push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down

(chorus)

You always had to be right
And now you've lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive

Well, she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, you did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy

It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone
She's gone
Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me

For those ladies that haven’t been lucky in love, the first few lines of this song may get to you. How many of you remember the wild free spirit you once were, before the tough exterior formed around your heart from experiences like this. You would have loved to have known a life without them but the calluses are there now and you are stronger from them.

For what ever reasons, they had to break you down. Take that amazing woman they were crazy about and tear her down into someone she doesn’t even recognize. They played with your mind or broke your heart and then acted like somehow it was your fault; your misunderstanding. But after the pain was gone, you reflected with clearer eyes and saw a boy you thought was a man. Learning a tough lesson, you could only pray they would be more careful with the next woman’s heart and learn to be responsible for theirs.

How many of you then dreamed or hoped that the man that had done wrong by you, would someday, realize the magnitude of what he did, and feel remorse. Having him even think of you again, seemed too much to even hope for after the way he treated you. But as all women know, the greatest gift a man could ever give her is to never be able to forget you. This song immortalizes a woman and shows the remorse a man felt for hurting her. What a great gift to give the women this was written for.

These are the thoughts that came to my mind when listening to this song today. If you would ever like to listen to the song or share your thoughts on the lyrics, I would love to hear them.

Until next time.

Christy

Closed Doors

Lately I was asked to think about an observation that those that care about me have noticed. It has been observed that I have spent time waiting at a closed door.

I had got stuck and without being honest with myself, was patiently waiting and hoping for that door to open again. Like a fool I had spent sleepless nights lying in bed going over past details wondering what I did wrong or how I could have misunderstood. And how for a brief moment, I could think I was that happy.

I took a long time to move on and since then have closed off that part of my life. I stopped looking for the next door and may not have even noticed other doors that might have opened for me.

Although we live it, sometimes it takes someone else’s observation to help us notice our own lives. With clearer eyes and pensive thoughts it became obvious that I was doing this.

I had been waiting patiently or valiantly or foolishly, depending on how you choose to look at it, for that door to open and begin that second chance with a man I once cared for so much. It is not easy to admit but I would rather be brave and admit it then pretend it didn’t happen.

But even a foolish heart can learn to be wiser. And the great thing about life is; it goes on. As the days go by, I am not ready to look for open doors but I have realized that we want the things in life that we put the most value on and I am now trying to define what that is for me.

Until next time,

Christy

Currently listening : Romanza By Andrea Bocelli

Goodbye My Friend

It has been awhile since my last entry. I have been traveling a lot, to five cities in a month actually. It has been a crazy whirlwind experience but I am very grateful to have the work. Throughout this month I have met some wonderful people and worked again with old friends.

When I woke up this morning and was getting ready for another trip, I was given some very sad news that a good friend of mine had passed away last night due to complications in surgery. I had known her for the past 12 years. And it is a shock to loose her. She was the kind of person you thought would be here forever.

She was an icon in her field and a mentor to so many. It was an honor to know her. She truly was an amazing and giving soul. And although she will be missed she will never be forgotten.

She has left a legacy of love behind that all of us who knew her are better people from it. She just had a way of touching people’s hearts and inspiring their minds. And she always found a way to lead with positive action never just with spoken words.

So today was a weird day as I had to travel still and did so with heavy thoughts. I beat the sun up in Denver and watched it set in New York City. And the thought that wouldn’t leave my mind was how quick the day had passed.

The day went so quick for me, as if it had never happened. How quickly time passes by us all some times. We trick ourselves into believing we have so much of it and then something happens and we remember we only have such a small precious amount of it until we are gone.

In light of this I especially want to tell all my family and friends how much I love them and although I am not with you in person, you are always in my thoughts. I feel that no matter how many times we say I love you in life, it is never enough. And I know that until I no longer can, I will continue to remind them how much they mean to me.

Jane, thank you for being such a wonderful friend and for teaching me the grace of how to inspire others with just a smile. I will miss you my friend and am only at peace knowing that heaven got another one of its angels back today.

Until next time,

Christy

The Author of Your Own Story

I want to share a quote with you.

There is not one big cosmic meaning for all, there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person.
Anais Nin

I love this idea and perspective. I am a fan of Anais Nin quotes and have several around my home. She was a writer. And I love how she integrates her love for writing into her philosophies for life.

It is a fresh perspective to view life this way. It can bring on a renewed and invaluable perception and possibly allow you to see a new meaning in it all. All of us are on a search for answers in our life. But it is hard for us to remember and even comprehend that those answers will be different for all of us.

What helps one person find their path may be the wrong or non-effective approach for another. What brings insight or reason into one mind might be found maddening by another. And one person’s treasured life principle might be another’s rule that once broken, led them to the life they now live.

In the quest for meaning there are the choices that quickly become your action’s definitions. We all go through our lives daily making decisions and choices but do we really stop to think what we are creating by them? They begin to write our own story in time and we then begin to realize we are the authors of our own plots. Not others in our lives. Not fate. But ourselves.

We all become writers because each of us has a story to tell. How will you choose to define your character? Will you be the hero of your life story or the martyr? Will you accomplish great things and overcome great odds or will you go through the motions and follow the norm? Will you evolve into a happy ending or a bitter sweet tragedy? As the author and the main character of the story you begin to see how it all relates and the power of how it can unfold.

My point is to hopefully have you see that we are all capable of achieving and writing a beautiful story of our life when we respect the importance of our active involvement in it.

I choose to embrace the philosophy of looking at life as a story. I enjoy the task that each of us has been given to define our own adjectives, nouns and verbs in our novel. So next time you make a choice, try to see the magic in that and begin to creatively use the ink of your threads of clarity to write your verses and paragraphs. And always remember to sit back, take great joy in reading your past chapters and look to the future with excited eyes to what you have yet to write.

Until next time.

Christy

A Race for the Cure

Today I walked in the Race for the Cure. It was amazing to see how many people can gather together for a common cause. There were over 60,000 today that helped make a difference in the fight against breast cancer. That is something pretty special.

I knew we had the largest attended race in the country but it didn’t sink in until I saw it first hand. The entire downtown taken over by a sea of pink. Survivors, women, men, families, friends, coworkers and thousands of volunteers giving to a cause that shows no favorites and that has taken far too many from us.

I lost count of how many times I got goose bumps seeing stories of hope and then teary eyed for those that lost the fight. Shirts with pictures of those lost to the battle and then listing who they were to that person…mother, wife, grandmother, aunt, sister and friend. One person, whose thread of life was woven into so many other lives that remain behind.

So many people are affected by this. And it breaks your heart each time you see groups walking in tribute to loved ones lost to the disease. We each walked for our own loved ones. I walked for my aunt Marilyn that died from it when I was in high school and for my aunt Garnet that is still fighting for her life right now.

We also walked for a good friend of mine’s cousin. Lori was 35 when see past away from cancer. Lori had a twin sister Kelly, who flew in from Kentucky to walk the race with us.

Lori’s story is a sad one as she couldn’t beat it. As Kelly said “When you are at the age of 30, you don’t think about cancer.” Lori and her family fought till the end and never gave up hope. And still to this day continue to support finding a cure.

It was an honor to meet Kelly. She is an amazing woman. Life changes you when something like that happens and I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel like to loss your twin. But Kelly and her family are finding the courage to go on living their lives and you can actually see her strength. It is very inspiring. I look forward to all she will accomplish in her life.

There is a scary chance that cancer may affect all of us in some way in our lives. But it is what we do after that that matters. It is how we go on. It is in the choices we make. And it is in the love we pass along.

Through it all, as you can see from the 60,000 plus people today, the one thing that remains is hope.

Until next time,
Christy

Worth the Read

I want to write about someone that I really respect and have gained invaluable insight from, the author Elizabeth Gilbert. She is amazing. There are certain people in life that even when you look at them you can see what they offer the world by just looking in their eyes. When you see a photo of her you will see what I mean.

Or I should say a photo of her after she wrote Eat, Pray, Love. The book is about her journey and what she learned about life and herself during one year when she made a commitment to herself to change her life. She spent four months in each of these three countries, Italy, India and Indonesia.

Personally, I have never read a book that affected me so much. I also have many similarities to her life. We both decided to leave long-term unhappy relationships. We both realized we had to find happiness in ourselves to be happy in life. And we both did this kind of soul searching at the same time of our lives.

It is funny, but our birthdays are within the same week, so very similar indeed. So similar that I have send close friends paragraphs from the book and they had the same reaction that I did, they thought I had wrote it…exactly my reaction after reading them. It was like my thoughts had been captured in a book but oddly enough written by someone else.

So needless to say, I strongly recommend this book. I know it has nationally struck a cord with women and many of you have already read it. But it isn’t just for women. I think it is for anyone who is or can just appreciate a quest in life for your own answers.

I get asked a lot why did I end my ten year relationship and how did I know I should leave? For me, I realized that my life no longer resembled who I was anymore. Elizabeth Gilbert did as well and made a commitment to herself to find her life again. I as well have been on that kind of journey these past three years.

If you are at a time in your life when you also realize that change is needed to find yourself or happiness, you don’t need to embark on an international trip to find those answers. You simple need a shift in your life.

Once you set the wheels in motion for this shift and make a commitment to finish this journey for yourself, everyone that enters your life becomes a teacher to you. Things that happen happen for a reason and you must learn from them. And you begin to embrace change.

She suggests three simple things you can do daily to help you in your journey. I think these are wonderful advice that I would like to pass along to you. Each day ask yourself and then write down your answer in a journal, what do I really, really, really want? And it is important to say the “really” three times to let it sink in.

How many of you can answer that question? I can’t. I don’t know that yet. Many people will say happiness but the point she is trying to help you make is do you know how to achieve that? Those same people begin to then realize they might not know the answer to that question after all.

The next thing she suggests is to write down the happiest moment of each day. That is your assignment to yourself each day to find your happiest moment and then remember it and write it down. You then should regularly read them and hopefully learn from them. Maybe begin to see patterns.

Finally, her advice is refine your mantra. We all have one, the things we say to ourselves in our heads and choose to believe. The “I can’t do it” or “I am healthy” or “I am a moron” or “I am a rock star”. She adds humor that if those of your with the “I am a moron” mantras are working out for you then ok but if you are like many of us that begin to realize what we are telling ourselves, change it. Change your mantra and then say it to yourself all the time, every day until you begin to believe it.

I know I can’t say enough about this book. I want to give it as a gift to everyone I love and care for. It is especially good for anyone you know that is going through an emotional time in their life. It might help them find direction. Or it might help them just realize that others have been where they are and made it through.

So I will share my happiest moment of my day today with you. It is writing this. I love to write. It means so much to me and brings me happiness. So thank you for reading this.

Until next time.

Christy

Your Temple

Ever hear a song that just evoked pure emotion from you? For me there are many. That is one thing that has always pleasantly surprised me about myself. Even being a strong and confident women, when I hear certain songs…it can bring a tear to my eye in an instant.

Maybe I am rare or maybe I am the norm, but music just evokes emotion in me and some songs just open the floodgates of my heart. Recently it is the song One but the version that is a duet between U2 and Mary J Blige. I am a big fan of both artists but the two of them together is lethal!

The song starts slow as always with Bono’s familiar voice and your memory pleasantly remembers the melody. Then it happens and you realize the song is slightly different. The second verse comes and you hear her voice. And it hits you straight in the chest. You turn the volume up higher.

She sings and emotional pain just screams out from the words. It takes your breath away and you feel the lump form in your throat. You sit there in shock and awe and you begin to feel every emotion sweetly pouring out of her mouth. You take it all in. Every sweet melodically dramatic note. Just read the lyrics once and then imagine them signing it…

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame?

You say one love, one life
It's one need in the night
One love, get to share it...
Leaves you darling, if you don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's too late, tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One...

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus,
To the lepers in your head?

Well, did I ask too much, more than a lot?
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got.
We're one, but we're not the same
Well we, hurt each other
Then we do it again

You say
Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
Love is a temple
Love is the higher law
You ask me to enter
Well then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters and my
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...
One love


As you listen, you begin to feel that sympathetic and euphoric rush of your mind catching up to your heart that already leaped in that pure moment. And depending on your mood….it will take you to a distant memory of the best time you have known or remind you of a nightmare you just can’t escape.

Maybe that is deep. But damn, shouldn’t it be that way? Life can be as dull or intense as you are brave enough to allow yourself to feel while always maintaining emotional control of yourself. And that stands for each day or hell; each moment of that day. Because my friends, today…well it just happened to you.

Without your control, it happened. Will it happen again? Not this day. Something similar yes but you will never live this day again. It is the greatest and yet scariest thing I can point out to you. What you choose to do with that fact is your decision. Me… I am going to sit back, smile and hit repeat allowing myself to listen to that song one more time, anticipating the floodgates to pour open yet again.

Until next time.

Christy


Currently listening : The Breakthrough By Mary J. Blige Release date: 20 December, 2005

Aloha!

I am in Hawaii and basking in the endless sunshine and ginger soaked breeze. I don’t have to tell you how beautiful it is here. And the best part is living on island time. You have to respect a culture that greets people with warm greetings of hugs, smiles and flower leis.

We arrived early afternoon to our hotel on Waikiki Beach. The water is a beautiful clear turquoise color and the sand is as soft as snow. The room wasn’t ready yet so we went directly to the beach and started to sink into relaxation. You can feel the stress just roll off your body and out into the waves.

We ended up getting an upgraded room with an oceanfront view. So I get to have a beautifully exotic affair with the ocean for four long days. Hearing that musical sound of the waves crashing in is like a hypnotic song that becomes a trance to your senses. One of my favorite things is to fall asleep to that sound. In just seems to help you find your way to peace.

Two other wonderful things happened for me by getting this room. The tiki bar for the hotel is directly under our room several floors down and it is an open patio. Each night they have live music which consists of an acoustic guitar and one or two singers. So I am blessed with music each evening. I sit up on the balcony for hours just watching the ocean dance in the moonlight as if it was also listening to the music.

The other thing that I love about the view is we are across from a gazebo that jets out into the ocean. It has a simplistic beauty to it that adds elegance to the beach. People walk up to it during the day and want to get their picture taken in it. And at night it comes alive illuminated by the moonlight and is a stage for romance as couples steal a moment or two cradled in it and in each others arms.

And all this is captured in the few hours we spend in the room each night. During the rest of the day we spend hours just relaxing by the pool or on the beach or out exploring the island. Each area seems to have its own personality and style. Remote beaches nestled next to lush mountain ranges and remote coves hosting to visiting catamarans and kayaks.

To say you can loss yourself here seems to be a cheated understatement. A place as beautiful as this seems to provide a vehicle to remove yourself from your hectic world and enjoy a slower pace. Very intoxicating to those of us that lead a busy life.

But I am also taking the time to find myself and reconnect with many lost thoughts while here. When reconnecting here you seem to get the privilege of seeing them with a new fresh perspective. I become a fan again of many of them. And although they are long in the past, what a great way to honor your experiences then to allow yourself to relive them from time to time. Like taking out that favorite old movie that you haven’t watched in awhile and curling up on the coach with it.

For me, taking a vacation is long over due. It is funny but for years I didn’t take one, thinking that I would just wait and go with someone else as I had done for years with my ex. How naïve I have been. Now I realize how wrong it has been to wait for the tomorrows and let the todays slip away from my life.

Experiencing this for me and by myself has been such a great feeling. I couldn’t have asked for a better time and can’t wait to do it again. But until then, I am taking in each moment here and loving it.

Until next time.

Christy

A Job to Do

I finished the meeting in San Francisco which was a big success with the client and got to work with a wonderful group of TDs. Made lots of new friends and got to catch up with old ones. It was a challenging one for me as I struggled with a migraine for the last four days of it. That is something I hope never happens again.

I have a lot of respect for our profession. We have just one shot to get it right when we are on-site. There is no do over or chance to try again tomorrow. So even when you don’t feel well, you have to push on through and do your job. And it is a team effort, this one with over 70 TDs working together for the client. Your job directly affects everyone’s job so respecting and understanding the importance of that is a must.

It can be challenging at times but a good way of looking at it is that it builds one hell of a work ethic and character. And by circumstance, we learn to specialize in the philosophy of “work hard, play hard”. We embrace each day on-site by working our asses off and then remembering to celebrate the success of it.

But the best part is walking away from it knowing you did your best. You did it for another successful event, for another client and event company but best of all you did it for yourself. And that feeling is an extremely sweet one.

Until next time.

Christy

Gravity

Have you ever not been able to get past a memory? Especially one when you were happy? Even when time has past? You are out having a great time and just living your life…thinking you have moved on but that lingering memory seems to be the ghost in the room every time. That faint remembrance that brings a slight edge of sadness to ever smile.

It is like a story that you have the fondest of emotions stirred from when hearing it and then reality reminds you that you actually lived it. It was the happiest you have known. It is even hard to talk about it because you can’t hide how you light up when you hear their name. And you hate to have to be the one to tell your heart is was wrong.

It is ever harder when unfortunately they ended up hurting you, unintentionally of course. But it still ended in a way that just doesn’t seem fair to what was felt. You know better then to feel the way you do. You deserve to be treated better. Both of you know that. That is why your heart is torn. Do you believe in what you felt in the beginning or do you remember the pain that it brought you at the end?

The memories, and if you are really brave enough to be honest, the person is like gravity to your soul. That force you can not ignore or defy even at the cost of your heart wanting to soar. The person you should probably cut out of your life but you can’t find a way to know how to want to live one without them.

If you haven’t, I don’t know if I should wish you this kind of experience or not. I know not everyone get’s to feel this. I am not naive enough to know how special it is to feel this. But this is what makes it so hard as well.

What happens after that? What is the next step? That is a good question that I don’t know the answer to yet.

One of the great things in life you can realize is it is ok to not have all the answers. You have time to be patient enough for them, especially when they really matter.

Until next time.

Christy


Currently listening : Little Voice By Sara Bareilles Release date: 03 July, 2007

Next Stop on the Cali Road Trip

I ended the first meeting on this road trip and it was a great one. The best part about my job is getting to work with incredible people. And to me I always feel so blessed to keep adding new friends to my life.

We had a fun team and a few of them are even from Denver. Good people and great laughs all week. The perks of the job that help us make it through the long hours each day and several days of no real sleep.

But we had to say our goodbyes and I am on to the next show and off to San Francisco. I love that town. The dynamic culture, the mouthwatering food and that beautiful bridge. I will never forget the first sunset I saw in Golden Gate Park. It is something to behold in your lifetime. The way the sun hits the water and reflects off the bridge is magical.

I am looking forward to another exciting week. I am the Production Lead for this show and get to work with the production company in all of the coordination of the general sessions. George Lucas is one of the keynote speakers. That will be a treat to see his talk.

After working twelve days in a row, on Thursday I am flying directly from San Francisco to Honolulu to be with my Mom for her 60th birthday. It will be wonderful to see her. I haven’t seen her since Christmas. What an exciting birthday to celebrate and no better place then Hawaii to relax for a few days.

I am looking forward to seeing sunset after sunset, to smelling that intoxicating ocean breeze and to seep in the sand letting it soothe this weary soul.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : These Streets By Paolo Nutini Release date: 30 January, 2007

3AM Flight

Today my day started at 3AM. I had an early morning flight to San Jose. And no matter how many times I am up that early what really amazing me is how many other people are up too!

It was a good flight and I sat next to a great couple celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. He had surprised her with a trip to Hawaii. They were having the time of their lives and just so beautifully comfortable with each other. It made me smile.

They were very interested in what I do for a living and I answered their many questions. I always love answering them as I truly love what I do and do know how lucky I am to be doing it. They said their daughter was very interested in getting into event planning and asked my opinion on colleges for her to attend.

After a great conversation they fell off to sleep and I began reviewing my paperwork for the event I was heading to. It was thought provoking to sit there and imagine what kind of a trip everyone else was taking. All of us in a common place but setting off to a wide range of diverse ends of our day.

I had a great day and met several new TDs that I haven’t had the pleasure of working with yet. It always amazes me how small the TD world is as so often we share mutual friends in the industry. It kind of brings a sense of community to what we do.

And as the day of work is finally over, I enjoyed a lovely room service meal and plan to get some sleep as it is such a gift when you get some on-site. I want to make sure I have tons of energy tomorrow as my job this week is to take care of all the arrangements for the VIPs and my personal VIPs, the staff. Very fitting job for myself, if I do say so. As I love when I can bring a smile to someone’s face and I get to spend my week making sure that happens on a regular basis.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : Say I Am You By The Weepies Release date: 07 March, 2006

The Greatest Gift

Yesterday was a good night. I had a Girl’s Night In! at my place and got to catch up with many fabulous ladies I am lucky enough to call friends. And sorry guys, there were no kinky pillow fights to recap for you! Just a lot of laughs, great stories and good girl bonding.

I have always felt that friends are the family we build for ourselves in life. You are born into a family. You don’t choose to be in it. And if you are fortunate it is a wonderful one.

Friendships though, you choose to build and create. Of all the people you come into contact with, you decide to create a special bond with those that have something about them that speaks out to you. You know that you want to have this person in your life. And the adventures begin!

I also believe that one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is friendship. Giving them your time, your support, a shoulder to lean on and a voice to laugh along with them in this comedy of chaos and miracles we call life.

For my job, I travel a lot. I leave tomorrow for a trip and will practically be gone from home for about a month this time. So lately, I do not get to see my friends as often as I would like.

It can be challenging at times missing everyone but my friends are never too far away, because I choose to keep them close to my heart. And each time I do get to see them it becomes a wonderful gift and another reason to celebrate.

So pick up the phone and call that friend that you haven’t talked to for awhile. Hear their voice. Laugh or cry with them! Chances are they were probably just thinking of you too. And make your day a celebration because you have them in your life.

Until next time.

Christy


Currently listening : Happiness By The Weepies Release date: 08 June, 2004

Music and Mountains

What a great holiday weekend! Mine was filled with close friends and amazing music. On Friday night I went to a concert at Red Rocks thanks to one of my closest friends Lisa, as a birthday present. Red Rocks is one of the most amazing places I have ever been. There is just something soulful about that place and its beauty gets me every time I go.

The concert was with Gary Allan and Dierks Bentley. Both put on a great show with a lot of energy. My favorite song by Gary is The One. It has beautiful lyrics of hope and a special meaning to me. And my favorite by Dierks’ is Come A Little Closer. It is an intensely sexy song. The entire night was a lot of fun.

Saturday I headed up to the Aspen/Snowmass Jazz festival with some friends. I have never had the chance to attend one and always wanted to. I love jazz music and have heard how amazing it is to watch it in the beautiful Snowmass valley.

It was incredible! The stage is set in an open field surrounded by aspen covered mountains. We had blue skies, great weather and got to watch some incredible artists while relaxing barefoot on a blanket in the grass.

The headliners were Joss Stone and John Legend. Joss has a powerful voice filled with conviction. She commands each performance with passion. Just seeing her alone would have been worth it as she played a full set.

But we were lucky enough to get to see John Legend in the same night. I didn’t even know who he was till this spring when a friend turned me on to him. It is hard to describe in words what it is like seeing him in concert. I don’t think I could do it justice even trying, so I strongly urge you to go see it for yourself if you ever get the chance.

His voice is transcending and so pure live. And each song performed has its own soul. You sit there with goose bumps holding your breath so you don’t miss a note. I would have to say it is one of the best concerts I have been too.

I loved watching the crowd too. Everyone is overwhelmed by the music and gives in to pure enjoyment. Couples move closer getting high off of love. People dance because they just can’t sit still. Even after the show was over it was hard to leave. You wanted to stay and replay it over and over again in your head as you laid there under thousands of stars overhead.

It was one inspiring weekend.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : Once Again By John Legend Release date: 24 October, 2006

A New for Me

Today I wrote my first song and if feels REALLY good. I wanted to remember this feeling. They say to write music from your passion or your pain. This one, came from both.

I have wanted to do this for years but never let myself do it. I think the real reason was if I didn’t really try then I could never fall short from my own expectations with it. That is how much music means to me.

There is nothing in this world that I have found that can touch my soul like a beautiful acoustic song filled with emotional and soulful lyrics. Music is the thread of my courage, compassion, capacity to feel and peace of mind in life. So I have always been intimidated to try and write myself.

But it is something I have always wanted to do and it became the right time to try. I began by immersing myself in music. Working from home allows you to do this. And there are days I will sit and listen to music for most, if not all, of the entire day.

I started reading lyrics of songs I have always loved and artists I admired: Joni Mitchell, James Taylor, Patty Griffin, clay, Del Amitri, The Fray, The Weepies, Sara Bareilles, Mat Kearney, Bryan Adams, John Mayer, Glen Hansard, Sarah McLachlan, Audioslave, The Police, Daughtry, Rob Thomas, Edwin McCain, Jack Johnson, KT Tunstall and eastmountainsouth.

And then I waited for the creativity. I waited for the insight to make its way through the emotion and flow through the pen. Then for the past pains to marinate just long enough to want to pour out on the tongue. The combination of this internal mind rhythm mixing with a broken hearted melody is what it took for me to push past my pride and write.

Even if these end up being only for me, it will be worth it. It’s a mark I want to leave behind. A way for my heart to be timeless. And just maybe say something that others might be unable to say.

Until next time.

Christy

A new simple life

Ever look at yourself in the mirror and see a different person? I do. I have changed. And sometimes the hardest part about change isn’t necessarily seeing it in yourself but having others around you accept it.

And of course it would be. Who you were is the only way they know you. They have learned to expect you to be a certain way from all the time that you were, to them.

But hopefully in time people will begin to notice what you can no longer ignore. Change has sprouted from self growth, time spent and lessons learned and even from pain felt. And you as well as them better take the time to get acquainted with the new you.

You feel the “new coat of paint” and you begin to finally wipe the fog from your eyes and see yourself as you now are. Those that support this new you will remain in your life. Those that can’t or may have been there for only a season or reason, begin to fade into memories and past pretty pictures.

It is hard but harder to hold on to things that are just not meant to be or that might hold you back from the path you now have to take. I have found that the universe has a way of bringing you what you need when you define what those needs are to yourself. The times in life when we have lacked self definition are usually the times we found ourselves on lost paths or taking wrong directions.

As the summer will soon turn to fall, I want to become an author defining this new person to everyone I know. I want to use what these past seasons have revealed to me within the framework of this soul. And I am excited. I feel like an architect given a chance to remodel their favorite building or a songwriter defining the perfect melody for a well written verse.

I want to sort out the new “gotta haves” and “would be nice” mixed in with the “be sure to do” and “don’t forget to make time for this” list. Search for new mind acquisitions and heart mergers. And from that point I can build a new life around the redevelopment I now am.

Until next time.

Christy


Currently listening : Say I Am You By The Weepies Release date: 07 March, 2006

The Reality of It All

This weekend was one of the hardest I have had to face in a long time. The man that I had spent ten years of my life with got married. I don’t know if anyone can understand why this is hard on me but I will try my best to explain it; although I don’t know if I ever will be able to really put it into words.

To cut to the chase, I spent ten years with someone that couldn’t make a commitment and couldn’t take that next step to marriage. I don’t know if you can understand how much that hurts unless you live that. Rejection of love with no real reciprocation can fuck up your world for a very long time and I lived with it for a decade.

Anyone who knew us both would have never bet that he would get married before me or ever at all. But yet after only 3 years of our relationship ending, he found someone and is now married. It doesn’t feel real yet but it is.

It has nothing to do with not having “let go” or wanting to be with him again. I was the one the let go because it was the right thing to do for both of us. It has nothing to do with spite or anger as I wish him all the happiness in the world. It has to do with a man that I gave so much to, everything I had in me for ten years, now has changed his mind about commitment and took that step with someone else.

Hearing the news has crushed my world temporarily. Emotions have been rushing through my head and heart. I have felt things that I am not proud of like “how is this fair?” and “how could this happen to him before me?” and I even went to the place of “so he wanted to get married, just not to me”. I’m human. I will give myself a break for having these thoughts but know how pathetic it sounds.

But this was actually the “throwing salt” into an already open wound. On top of this news, I have had recent heartache that has been harder to get over then I would have imagined and I have been struggling with the trying to figure out why.

Since I have been single these past three years, it has felt like the dream of finding happiness with someone again was always running ahead of me. But this spring I meet someone and for the first time it felt like I caught up with the dream and got to live for a moment in unison with it. It was amazing.

But unfortunately it didn’t work out. Out of respect, I won’t go into the details of what happened and honestly don’t think my heart could take it anyway. I have had to shut it down to move on. And besides my best efforts, depression has now set in…temporarily.

So I have not had an easy time dealing with all of this. And I guess I am just coming clean with that fact. On Saturday I was at a crowded party but was a shut down and lonely person in the room. Not an easy thing to do when you are the host. I was able to keep a smile on my face until I got home. And then the tears broke free.

But I will take it all. It is part of living life. Because as hard as all this is, it would be harder for me not to live or be incapable of love. So I end this weekend with a toast to my ex. “I wish you all the happiness you can find. I am proud of you for risking love again and taking that final step to a commitment. Congratulations.”

Until next time.

Christy

Becoming Jane

Tonight I watched the movie Becoming Jane. It is in the theaters now and tells the story of Jane Austen. We all know her books. I have always had a fondness for them as many women do. But I was surprised at how little I knew about the author.

I had known that she started writing at the age of 16. She turned down many marriage proposals because she would not marry without affection which was unheard of in those days as most marriages were based on money. Daughters were to marry for wealth to support their families. That was their purpose in society.

But Jane did fall in love and I think we all knew that. Those stories could not have been written by someone that did not know love. But to my surprise, they were written by a woman who never married because she could not be with the man she did love.

It is a really good story and movie for that matter, and I will save you the pleasure of finding out all the details if you do decide to watch or research it. But after the film, my friend and I were so sad that someone who could write the beautiful book, Pride and Prejudice, did not get to have a happy ending herself. Jane Austen only wrote of happy endings; she never lived one.

That sadden me. A women who devoted her life to writing about love never lived these dreams of hers but only wrote about them. Thank God she did as they have brought so many generations of people happiness and inspiration. But the injustice of it kind of left a lump in my throat.

Upon returning home, I searched for my copy of one of her books to see if it had more bio information in it. And to my surprise I found an old aged letter in the inside back cover. I could not remember it or remember putting it there so I began to read. This is what it said.


I write this in fear that I shall not be able to express how my heart feels before my time passes on this great earth.

To express the feel of love or just bask in the greatness of love is what I am a follower of.

I pass through life with a smile that is the pure reaction from the swelling of emotion burning in my heart.

I am bewildered that the danger of this beauty causes so many to run away from the very thing they should not live without.

And, I am sadden by the knowledge that everyone has the ability to love this richly and yet so few will allow themselves this way of life.

These are the feelings or lessons I wish to teach and always want to be a student of to help those avoid the tragedy of never knowing love.


As I was reading this I began to cry. I realized this was a letter I wrote many years ago. And I began to feel old. It is hard when you realize the toll that time has taken on you.

In so many ways I am still the young, naïve, fearless, hopeful girl that wrote that. But now, only glimpse of her. Time and life experiences have changed her into a different woman today. One who is wiser, very fearful and in times lacking much hope. But I sat there and smiled through my tears, remembering myself.

For years they say that Jane Austin edited Pride and Prejudice before she would allow it to be published. I sat there and wondered what time and life experiences did to that young girl to edit that story for so many years. She said that if she couldn’t have a happy ending that she would allow her characters to have many of them.

And I sat there feeling scared that if such an amazing and knowledgeable woman did not get her “happy ending” in life how the hell will the rest of us? I don’t know all the details of her life and am not judging it in anyway. I am only expressing sadness.

The irony of it all is that I had wanted to be a teacher of love so badly in my youth but feel that I may have learned far more then I have ever taught.

Until next time.

Christy

Not Because You Can but Because You Should

Ever get so wrapped up in your life you forget to do what makes you happy? I have done that recently. I unfortunately have struggled these past few weeks with some intense physical pain from some set backs in physical therapy and that always throws my life in some what of a downward tailspin. Wrestling with that much pain is not only tough on your body but wreaks havoc on your piece of mind. Staying positive becomes an uphill battle. But this is my life and I have to live it.

If you know me, you know that I can be a stubborn person and never like accepting limitations. But this time, I accepted. My body was in no shape for grand gestures of my mind and tenacious spirit. So each day I have been doing what I can to simple get through the day. And slowly it gets better.

Today I took what I like to refer to as a soul day. I never liked referring to them as sick days because if you already don’t feel good why make it worse by calling it what it is. See, stubborn to no end. But none the less, still taking a day to refuel the body and soul.

I spend the day totally alone. Cutting out the world for awhile. I focused on not thinking, as I have probably been doing a little too much of that lately. And I did things that I have defined through out my life that make me happy.

I slept in as long as I wanted and turned off my phone and computer. I watched back to back movies including a new French film with subtitles to one of my classic favorites, Bull Durham. I took the time to cook a sensual meal that of course included dessert. And to end my day, danced around in sexy underwear to fantastic French music!

The sad thing is I couldn’t remember the last time I did that. Did the things that not only make me happy but remind me how amazing it is to be a women. If you ever need help, throw on an Edith Piaf album and you will see what I mean.

My point is there are things that feed a women’s soul and so often we get to busy to remember to do them, let alone relish in them as we should. Allow ourselves to feed on the things that make us feel passionate in life. And bask in the beauty of our defined soul stirring oddities that make us the unique women we are.

So the next time you are feeling yourself slip away. Slow down, shut off your world and listen to the song, La Vie En Rose. Then sit back and let your fantasies lead your day. I promise you, the next day, you will have that secret, sexy smile back where it belongs.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : The Voice of the Sparrow: The Very Best of Edith Piaf By Edith Piaf Release date: 30 July, 1991

Leaving on a Jet Plane

The one place I have always loved was the airport. There is no better place to loose yourself as one of the masses then a crowded terminal. Many times I have just stood to the side and watched the chaotic dance that happens.

You can see every kind of emotion if you pay attention. Those happy to get away on a trip they have been counting the minutes for. Those happy to get a break from their everyday lives or going on that big interview they have been praying for. And even those so sad to leave where they have just been replying the recent memories in their head like a movie they never want to end.

You see the people so wrapped up in their own stress that they don’t even realize how rude they are to all those around them just trying to do the same thing they are. And you see so many on cell phones trying to temporarily escape the chaos that they don’t take the time to say hello to the person sitting next to them at the gate. The funny thing that always surprises me is I tend to get weird looks from people for simply having a smile on my face or saying “thank you” like it is such an uncommon thing to see or here there.

Occasionally you see some things that make your heart sink. Loved ones fighting and forgetting to cherish each other. Families each on a cell phone or the kids with video games forgetting to actually talk to each other on their family vacation. And you see loved ones have to say good bye knowing it will be a long time before they will be able to be together again.

On a recent trip I sat next to a young woman who could not contain the tears as she sat there trembling by the gate listening to her iPod. In a weird way, I didn’t have to ask her what was wrong to know, I just some how knew. Maybe it takes having been in that kind of place before to know why. And I wanted so badly to reach out to her but also knew that although those moments are always hard to go through we have to feel them to move on with our own lives.

But through it all, I have seen so many happy reunions there that it still remains a special place for me. I love just sitting there and taking it all in. Just watching pure joy, excitement and love all around you. It is an amazing sight to see if you take the time do so and one very hard to find anywhere else in our lives. The movie Love Actually captures this in a scene and I am always overwhelmed with emotion watching it.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that some times it leaves a sense of longing for me. I travel a lot for my job and over the years have longed to be one of those that has someone so happy to have me returning home to them. Being that one person’s face that they look for in the crowd and then get that light in their eyes and see that smile flood their face when they find me. But until then, I will continue to happily be a fan of those that have that.

In a time when we now face terrorism, security lines and anxiety when traveling, I urge you to still try and look around at all the emotion you can see in the faces of the strangers around you. Because when you do on some level for a small amount of time, you realize they are not strangers at all. And who knows, maybe the next time you travel you might just see your trip in a whole new light.

Until next time,

Christy

Currently listening : The Village Sessions By John Mayer Release date: 12 December, 2006

Courage

I have kept myself captive in my home over these past few days reading. I love a good book. The kind of book so good you become obsessed and spend an entire day wrapped up in it loosing your sense of reality. That kind of book.

My latest read, I will admit was the final Harry Potter book. It was by chance that I ever started reading them. My younger brother and my father had both read the first one and wouldn’t stop talking about it. I kept protesting that it was a children’s book and really didn’t have any interest. But they said just try reading it and I would see why they loved it. They were right. By the first chapter I was hooked. I can’t explain what it is but J.K. Rowling has a way of writing that makes you feel like you are not even reading.

What a unique group of books. She has created stories that have captured the interests of several different age groups and that will be shared for many generations to come. And if you want to view them as children’s books, they carry a more realistic lesson to be taught about the reality of life and its ups and downs then any fairytale I have ever heard.

The one thing that stuck in my mind the most after finishing the books is they are about a story of courage. The whole series is about the choices you make and how they affect your life as well as others in your world. Looking past all the magic, the stories remind us that life is not easy and that you will have hard choices and some will be painful. That is something I can support far more then teaching children a story about a glass slipper.

This young boy in the stories has the weight of saving his world on his shoulders, literally, and over the years you see the kind of character that his courage builds from the choices he makes and the lessons he chooses to learn from his mistakes. How many of us feel like we have the weight of our world on our shoulders, figuratively, and what do we do about it?

One of my favorite quotes is “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”. I love looking and respecting life in this way. And it is the amount of courage we let ourselves have that helps us make choices. It is not easy to have courage but in the times that I have found it, I have had my life expand from those outcomes. The times when I have not, I watched my world narrow and have been left with regrets.

The choices don’t always have to be epic like the characters’ in the books, like saving someone’s life or fighting for your country, although those are the easiest to identify. Most choices can be a little harder to see in our everyday lives. But we know when they present themselves by the feeling we get in the pit of our stomach. And then we have to make a choice.

That is the part that builds our character. Making that difficult decision and facing the outcomes. Even when we are too scared and do nothing, ironically that is still a choice and has outcomes we face; sometimes greater then what we originally feared. Some of those even become the baggage we carry with us from not finding the courage in ourselves to act.

Developing courage in ourselves is something to be proud of. If you haven’t read the books, I urge you to do so they are a good reminder of this. I hope you love them as much as I did. And it doesn’t hurt to have a little magic in your imagination. Who knows what creative doors it might open.

Until next time.

Christy

Repairs Needed

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested? I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think he might be interested but do I want to be interested but now he's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss him? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.


I would love to take credit for that humor but it is from a scene in one of my favorite movies, Wedding Crashers and brings up a great point. Dating is awkward and complex and more times then not you are left disappointed after the evening is over. You had high expectations and let’s be honest, when is the last time someone has met those or more importantly wanted to meet those? The dating world has developed into a lazy, selfish, sexual world.

Most are lazy and don’t want to work at anything. There is no incentive for commitment anymore. Others are selfish because they can be. And it is easier to sleep with someone then date them and in the extreme, even be honest with them. It starts to make more sense that there are so many single people out there.

The consequences of this kind of world begin to form. It becomes hard to see past our scars. We become detached because we can. Much of what we do, say and act is based on our past experiences and what we have learned to expect. New people in our life, pay for past lovers mistakes. We throw away time because we feel it is expendable, as so much else is in our lives.

I am sad to say but have found myself at a crossroads in life with it all. I have begun to question if I have taken on a load too strong to carry anymore of wanting more.

Maybe I try and put too much into “it”…life, love, desire, optimism. Someone questioned me of that lately and it is one of those things that you can’t shake after you hear someone think it about you. Especially from someone you care about. I don’t know. Maybe I do. Maybe I just don’t know how to go out in the world without a little fire in my soul. Duly noted; maybe I should learn to extinguish it.

Until next time,

Christy

Currently listening : The Breakthrough By Mary J. Blige Release date: 20 December, 2005

Reflections of a Year

As I type this, I have only a couple hours left in my 34th year of life. I am sentimental by nature and spent my evening reminiscing on a year coming to an end. It helped me remember my accomplishments and struggles over these past twelve months, which can so easily get overlooked or forgotten in moving forward each day.

I was actually amazed at what my year entailed. I lived it and still was amazed when looking back at what could happen to a person in one year. To say it was eventful is one hell of an understatement.

I started off my year escaping harm from a freak bear attack on a funny camping trip. Lived wonderful memories of camping, concerts, parties, baseball & football games and countless hours of laughter with my friends. And had one of the biggest scares of my life, possible breast cancer, which thank god turned out to be negative.

I left a job I had happily worked at for ten years, to start an exciting new direction in my career. Unexpectedly ended my employment with the new company. Then took a chance and started a successful business working for myself.

I finally made substantial progress with my physical therapy after going several times every week over the past three years. My beloved Bears made it to the Super Bowl and beyond my greatest expectations, actually attended the game. And finally was blessed with an amazing romance, even as short lived as it was.

As humble as I am, even I was impressed. I was impressed by how incredible my family and friends are and how their support got me through some very dark hours. I can’t thank them enough. I was impressed with the chances I was brave enough to take. The risks were worth it. And mostly I was impressed with my strength. I was able to find strength even in my weakest moments. Thank God for that.

Besides having such an eventful year, my friends would also say that I have changed a lot. I was finally able to move on and let go of a lot of pain, sadness and guilt. I finally found some direction, wrestled my demons and really found peace in myself. And most recently over the last three months, have become the woman I always felt that I could be. Thank me for that.

I have no idea what this next year will hold. But I look forward to it. I hope it will bring me closer to a few things that I would love to have in my life. I hope to have another year filled with wonderful memories. And I hope I am able to give back to those that have given me so much. Although that, would really take a lifetime to do.

Until next time.

Christy


Currently listening : One Cell In the Sea By A Fine Frenzy Release date: 17 July, 2007

Both Sides Now

Maybe it is an approaching birthday, or maybe just the season I am in, but lately I have thought a lot about how there are two sides in living life. From the journey that I have chosen so far, without giving judgment, I have seen life from both sides. Joni Mitchell does a great job expressing this way of looking at life in her song Both Sides Now. Here are the lyrics.


Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all


Some describe it as a loss of innocence after living with the realities of life. I think it is more of a realization that to be happy or successful in life you have to keep an open mind. What you thought you needed today after you received it, might end up making you unhappy tomorrow. Or you might think you have all the answers and know what to do but after it is done, it doesn’t go anyway like you planned and leaves you with more questions.

Even after all that I have lived in my life; I still don’t know life at all. There is always two ways of looking at something. I have always chosen to look at life with optimism. Some would say to a fault and maybe at times they have been right. But it has brought me real happiness and the ability to give encouragement to others.

But I am not naïve and have lived enough of life to know that you can’t live it with rose colored glasses. I had to feel pain to feel joy. I had to feel loss to truly appreciate what I had. I needed to have heartbreak to know how to love and be loved. And I needed to be the one that left, as well as the one that was left behind, to know how to take care of hearts.

I have changed from the lessons I have learned in my life. I am sure I have much change ahead of me as well, as I continue to learn and try my best to figure out life. And I now appreciate the meaning so much more that something is lost but something is gained in living life every day.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : Both Sides Now By Joni Mitchell Release date: 21 March, 2000

Fiction Plane

A group I urge you to check out is Fiction Plane. They opened for The Police (one hell of a concert!) and to be honest with you I wasn’t that impressed watching them live. Besides having a very cool name, they were intense and edgy which I liked but not much of a stage presence yet. To their defense, they were opening for The Police in a stadium full of fans counting the seconds until a band they never thought would play live again came on stage.

But a good friend of mine encouraged me to listen to their album and that I would love it. They were right! The band has a very cool vibe. The music is methodical and intense. The lyrics are raw, abrasive and dysfunctional at times, but aren’t we all.

If you really listen to the lead singer’s voice you might recognize something familiar in it. Joe Sumner is Sting’s son. Makes sense now how they got the gig! But after listening to their album I would have signed them too.

Sometimes you have to give things a second chance. I notice that with music all the time. The first time I hear a song that really didn’t jump out at me, I might question if I like it or what I don’t like about it. But the more I listen to it and break down the lyrics, I begin to see other things or feel other emotions from it.

I love when you hear a line in a song and think…dam that is good. Pure genius in 4 to 6 seconds. Picking the right words, in the right order, to give the feel and intent you wish the song to project to your audience is one hell of an art form and I am a big fan of it.

The music has to be able to create emotion in the listener as well. At least it does for me. I love when a melody in a song can make you stop what you are doing and just smile. Or gets you so excited your heart jumps from excitement. And when it can even bring you to the brink of tears. It is a high.

There are several great songs on the album to appreciate. The most popular and one you might have heard on the radio is Two Sisters. Give Left Side of the Brain, Cold Water Symmetry, It’s a Lie and Cross the Line a try. I think you will be happy you did.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : Left Side of the Brain By Fiction Plane Release date: 22 May, 2007

What are you afraid of?

Ever been so happy that you actually become scared because of it? It sounds crazy I know. But I have a friend that has happened to recently. To be really honest, I have several friends that has happened to and often. They have been so hurt in their past that I think they fear happiness and many of them then conduct missions of self-sabotage, mindful or not. That makes me sad as I only want the best for my friends and they deserve so much more then they are allowing themselves to have.

But fear is a powerful thing in our lives. Fear can make us walk away without trying. If we try, we can fail. Fear can make us walk away from someone we are dating that makes us smile, lightens our heart and leaves us speechless. If we leave first, they won’t discover how messed up we are, still trying to figure out who the hell we are. And if we walk away before we start caring for them, we can’t loose them.

Fear is the greatest robber of all time; our time. The ironic thing about fear is when you give into it you give away your right to live life on your terms. I am no hypocrite. I am just as scared as anyone and have put up my fair share of facades to pretend otherwise throughout the years.

What costs have we lost in our lives to fear? Think of what might have been different in our lives if we would have made other choices?

Why not try? If you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived. And why not admit first to yourself that you do really want to need that special person in your life again? Although you have been hurt and let down so many times you are too tired for hope, this just might be the person that can care for you the way you should have always been cared for.

What if we were all brave enough to take on our fears and control what direction our lives take us? What if we took the time to ask the right questions and define what our fears are and then find peace in knowing what those are? I wish this for my friends. I want to see them ache of happiness. I want to see them live life on their terms. I want them to look back on their life and know that it is a life they defined, not fear.

Until next time.

Christy


Currently listening : Get Lifted By John Legend Release date: 28 December, 2004

Do you really know them?

Today is my grandmother’s birthday. Happy birthday grandma! I love you. As another year passes I have mixed emotions and am sad when asking myself the question, do I really know her? I know that may sound weird to ask of a family member but do I really know her? I know her as my wonderful and loving grandmother but she has been so much more in life then that.

What I do know about her is she is originally from England, met my grandfather in the war, fell in love and moved over to the United States. She left her family and all of her friends to start a new life in America with my grandfather. I will never know what that felt like for her. I can only imagine what that would be like. Terrifying and exciting all at the same time.

I also don’t know what she was like as a young woman. Not what she did to spend her time but more about what made her happy, what made her laugh and even cry. I don’t know what it was like for her as a mother, raising four daughters in a foreign country without her family for support in a time you couldn’t just pick up the phone or email them when you really wanted or needed their advice.

I began to realize that I don’t know my grandmother, well as least like I would like to. I have never had a chance to sit down and have a conversation with her, woman to woman. I am sure that we have similar emotions, habits, fears, likes and dislikes in life but I don’t really know what those are. I am a legacy of a woman that I really don’t know as I should.

I regret that and thankfully still have time to correct that. We all are here for such a very short time in this world. And so easily we forget to really know the people in our lives. I mean really know them. Not how their day was or how the job is going, etc… I mean really get to know them and have a deep conversation with them.

Conversations about life issues and about what their biggest triumphs and fears are. What choices in life they are proud of and which ones they realized were mistakes they had to learn from. What they would have done different if given that second chance and what they would love to pass on to us as wisdom.

These are things that I would like to know about my grandmother and hope to be able to share with my children if I ever have them some day. Because my memories of her will probably be the only way my children will get to know her. And I would want them to know everything about this amazing woman, who took so much risk in life so that someday her great grandchildren could be here. Thank you grandma, thank you very much.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : Classic Sinatra By Frank Sinatra Release date: 28 March, 2000

Once

I want to encourage you to go see the movie Once. It is one of the best music films I have seen and just a really good movie. The movie is set on the streets of Dublin and tells the story of a street musician and a Czech immigrant during an eventful week as they write, rehearse and record songs that reveal their unique love story.

I will admit (and most women will too) be drawn to the film from its tagline “How often do you find the right person?” Clever marketing bastards. And although it is a love story, I enjoyed it more because it is a real one. Not a Hollywood version they feed us, but one that is more realistic pointing out the challenges of love. If anyone ever tries to tell you love is easy they are trying to fool you just like they are fooling themselves. Like anything that is worth it in life, love takes time and care and struggles as well as joys to nurture it and let it grow.

The film has a thought provoking ending. I won’t ruin it by telling you about it but will say deciding if it is a happy ending or not is all in the way you choose to look at it. I have an opinion on it that I am happy to share to anyone interested, just ask.

What else I really loved about it was seeing a film that shows you the creative process of making music. It tells the story of the struggles and joys of having music that is so personal to the songwriter and then finding a way to have it shared to the masses. A highlight of the film is seeing the intensity and emotion that Glen Hansard has when singing his songs. It is exhilarating and heart wrenching at the same time.

It isn’t being released to all the theaters so you have to search for it. But it is a great movie that deserves to be seen. I hope that you enjoy it too and would love to hear your thoughts on it. The soundtrack is also amazing. Really good soul searching music.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : Once By Original Soundtrack Release date: 22 May, 2007

Questions

Well I did it. I had that difficult conversation. And in the end I realize I did it for myself. The right reason for sure. I hope it meant something to the other person too but only he knows that. I also realized that communication is so helpful for your soul. It is so powerful. It really helps you put things at peace. I am thankful I was brave enough to reach out for it.

I discovered that someone wasn’t who I thought he was. But to his credit, it was mostly because I didn’t really know him yet. I had presumed I did from a handful of intense and emotional experiences. That wasn’t fair to either of us. Truth is, I haven’t had enough time to know him yet and to some degree don’t we truly only know what they let us know about themselves?

I was open, real and beyond the bullshit. That is just me. People have a hard time believing that at first when the meet me. I guess it isn’t very common. But once they realize it is true I always get that look from them. The one when they realize I am not playing games. Some look at that with respect and others they look at it as being foolish. I look at it as respecting the other person by not feeding them bullshit. Isn’t it more foolish to think someone likes the taste of bullshit?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I have been the fool. A fool for the idea of love. I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I know that about myself now. I fall quickly and without measuring risk. But I have felt amazing emotions for men from that. And realize now too that is hasn’t all been love, most of it lust and that’s ok too.

At the time I thought it was love but realize now I wanted it to be. But you can’t make believe love. Foolishly we raise our children with tales of glass slippers, Price Charming and waiting in towers for our one true love. How foolish to feed our closest loved ones such unrealistic views on what love is. Isn’t love the husband that works his ass off everyday, day after day, to provide for his wife or family? Isn’t love the wife that is so tired from getting up early, getting the kids ready for school, working herself for 9 hours but still wants to have a wonderful dinner ready to share with her husband? And isn’t love that great guy she is dating that found out what her favorite flower was and bought her one, only one because that is all he could afford? Now those would be stories that I would want to be told at bed before drifting off to dream as a child.

I am the first to tell you I don’t know what love is yet and through maturity have realized enough to know it means something different to each person. Maybe that is what makes it so special and yet so complicated. Maybe the really happy people ask the right questions in life, even the hard ones to face. To really make sure that they know themselves first and then are brave enough to not judge themselves when discovering the answers what ever they may be. Imagine what would happen if more people did that? What kind of world would we live in, if we did just that?

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : Hatful of Rain: The Best of Del Amitri By Del Amitri Release date: 14 September, 1998

Hunger

Ever get hungry? I don’t mean feeling something that can be subsided by the simple pleasure of food. I mean a deep down aching need for something? And it takes over and you just feel…hungry. Hungry for conversation or human contact or laughter or anger or whatever…you soul is screaming at you that it needs something and demands to be taken seriously. That kind of hunger.

I woke up today feeling that. And yet can’t determine the exact need. That is the harder part. But lately as days go by I know that something is missing from my amazingly blessed world and can feel “it” moving farther and farther away unless I take action for “it”. So your soul gets restless and tries to get you off your analytical ass to actual act or fight for “it”. Bravo! Your heart says.

Stop worrying what is the right thing to do for once and just do it (sorry Nike!). How many of us spend our time thinking and worrying about what we should do when we feel something? But how many of us actually do something about those feelings? When is the last time you remember being crazy and just acting on your gut feeling? Or being spontaneous for that matter? When is the last time you surprised someone or yourself for that matter? Yes you will be fine doing nothing and going about your day. But what if fine isn’t good enough? It isn’t for this redhead.

How many times have you not had a difficult conversation with someone because you just were scared of the consequences? Have you ever pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and reminded you that life is too short not to have those difficult conversations. You only get one shot at life. Once today is over, it is over. What if you don’t get a tomorrow? Don’t you owe it to that person or yourself to have that conversation? I am a big hater in life of things left unsaid. Why let yourself have regrets? If that person is worth it at all like you obviously think they are (friend, colleague, lover, parent), they will be grateful and maybe relieved that you took that first step.

Have to go out the door now to do something crazy to feed my hunger.

Until next time.

Christy

Currently listening : How To Save A Life By The Fray Release date: 13 September, 2005

Have to start somewhere...

In the spirit of writing more and since you have to start somewhere…here I go. I wanted to start a blog because one, besides just respecting writing as an art form in general, I really respect my friends that do one. They really put themselves out there and express what is being felt in their world. Love that shit. Second, I always turn to writing in my life because sometimes I feel like if I don’t let these emotions out some how they will begin to start busting at the seams (and that is never a good thing in a women’s world…figuratively or metaphorically!). So in the spirit of sharing I too wanted to just start putting myself out there and if I can give some insight or ever inspire anyone…well then that is something.

One place I get my inspiration from is music. If you know me, that really is an understatement! Music is one thing I am very passionate about in life. It evokes moods, expresses things that others have a hard time putting into words and can make that perfect moment even better. At least for me it does. And I can’t tell you how many times the perfect album has come into my life at the “season” it was meant to be in.

I also love to share great music with those that love it as much as I do. From time to time I will do my best to recommend songs, artists and albums that have touched me. I hope they will mean something to you too and would love for you to share with me what that is defined as by you.

My latest find is Sara Bareilles with her first album, Little Voice. She has an amazing voice but the best part of her music by far is her lyrics. As I said, some songs speak to you. Many of hers do to me. I have shared similar feelings and felt as if I could have written some of them myself. Her writing is brilliant and stands out by being able to say things in a fresh and unique way.

I love and relate to what she wrote in her website bio:

“It’s a collection of songs that pretty much mean the world to me. They chronicle my life, my relationships, my basket-case-ness, and my utter devotion to trying to write honest stuff down and share it. That’s where the title comes from. This record was really about me learning to trust my own instincts, and more importantly, recognize how desperately I needed to learn to listen to myself, however inexperienced and naïve I may be. It sounds cliché, but that little voice is sometimes the only voice that’s speaking the truth. I think that’s pretty fucking cool.”

I agree. What amazing gift she gave herself and the world by creating this album. For me, I love knowing that someone else out there has felt what I have. The song One Sweet Love, well let’s just say it could be my theme song.

I can only say that now after all that I have discovered about myself this year. Self discovery is the season I currently am in. The song is about a quest for that one sweet love. I have been on that quest for a very long time. And now, for the first time I am in a great place to really find it. It takes really getting to know yourself before you can trust yourself.

All the songs are really amazing; Love Song, Gravity and Love on the Rocks really stand out! Another that hits me personally is Between the Lines…but that is another story to tell another time.

Until next time,

Christy

Currently listening : Little Voice By Sara Bareilles Release date: 03 July, 2007