Today I wrote my first song and if feels REALLY good. I wanted to remember this feeling. They say to write music from your passion or your pain. This one, came from both.
I have wanted to do this for years but never let myself do it. I think the real reason was if I didn’t really try then I could never fall short from my own expectations with it. That is how much music means to me.
There is nothing in this world that I have found that can touch my soul like a beautiful acoustic song filled with emotional and soulful lyrics. Music is the thread of my courage, compassion, capacity to feel and peace of mind in life. So I have always been intimidated to try and write myself.
But it is something I have always wanted to do and it became the right time to try. I began by immersing myself in music. Working from home allows you to do this. And there are days I will sit and listen to music for most, if not all, of the entire day.
I started reading lyrics of songs I have always loved and artists I admired: Joni Mitchell, James Taylor, Patty Griffin, clay, Del Amitri, The Fray, The Weepies, Sara Bareilles, Mat Kearney, Bryan Adams, John Mayer, Glen Hansard, Sarah McLachlan, Audioslave, The Police, Daughtry, Rob Thomas, Edwin McCain, Jack Johnson, KT Tunstall and eastmountainsouth.
And then I waited for the creativity. I waited for the insight to make its way through the emotion and flow through the pen. Then for the past pains to marinate just long enough to want to pour out on the tongue. The combination of this internal mind rhythm mixing with a broken hearted melody is what it took for me to push past my pride and write.
Even if these end up being only for me, it will be worth it. It’s a mark I want to leave behind. A way for my heart to be timeless. And just maybe say something that others might be unable to say.
Until next time.
Christy
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
A new simple life
Ever look at yourself in the mirror and see a different person? I do. I have changed. And sometimes the hardest part about change isn’t necessarily seeing it in yourself but having others around you accept it.
And of course it would be. Who you were is the only way they know you. They have learned to expect you to be a certain way from all the time that you were, to them.
But hopefully in time people will begin to notice what you can no longer ignore. Change has sprouted from self growth, time spent and lessons learned and even from pain felt. And you as well as them better take the time to get acquainted with the new you.
You feel the “new coat of paint” and you begin to finally wipe the fog from your eyes and see yourself as you now are. Those that support this new you will remain in your life. Those that can’t or may have been there for only a season or reason, begin to fade into memories and past pretty pictures.
It is hard but harder to hold on to things that are just not meant to be or that might hold you back from the path you now have to take. I have found that the universe has a way of bringing you what you need when you define what those needs are to yourself. The times in life when we have lacked self definition are usually the times we found ourselves on lost paths or taking wrong directions.
As the summer will soon turn to fall, I want to become an author defining this new person to everyone I know. I want to use what these past seasons have revealed to me within the framework of this soul. And I am excited. I feel like an architect given a chance to remodel their favorite building or a songwriter defining the perfect melody for a well written verse.
I want to sort out the new “gotta haves” and “would be nice” mixed in with the “be sure to do” and “don’t forget to make time for this” list. Search for new mind acquisitions and heart mergers. And from that point I can build a new life around the redevelopment I now am.
Until next time.
Christy
Currently listening : Say I Am You By The Weepies Release date: 07 March, 2006
And of course it would be. Who you were is the only way they know you. They have learned to expect you to be a certain way from all the time that you were, to them.
But hopefully in time people will begin to notice what you can no longer ignore. Change has sprouted from self growth, time spent and lessons learned and even from pain felt. And you as well as them better take the time to get acquainted with the new you.
You feel the “new coat of paint” and you begin to finally wipe the fog from your eyes and see yourself as you now are. Those that support this new you will remain in your life. Those that can’t or may have been there for only a season or reason, begin to fade into memories and past pretty pictures.
It is hard but harder to hold on to things that are just not meant to be or that might hold you back from the path you now have to take. I have found that the universe has a way of bringing you what you need when you define what those needs are to yourself. The times in life when we have lacked self definition are usually the times we found ourselves on lost paths or taking wrong directions.
As the summer will soon turn to fall, I want to become an author defining this new person to everyone I know. I want to use what these past seasons have revealed to me within the framework of this soul. And I am excited. I feel like an architect given a chance to remodel their favorite building or a songwriter defining the perfect melody for a well written verse.
I want to sort out the new “gotta haves” and “would be nice” mixed in with the “be sure to do” and “don’t forget to make time for this” list. Search for new mind acquisitions and heart mergers. And from that point I can build a new life around the redevelopment I now am.
Until next time.
Christy
Currently listening : Say I Am You By The Weepies Release date: 07 March, 2006
Monday, August 20, 2007
The Reality of It All
This weekend was one of the hardest I have had to face in a long time. The man that I had spent ten years of my life with got married. I don’t know if anyone can understand why this is hard on me but I will try my best to explain it; although I don’t know if I ever will be able to really put it into words.
To cut to the chase, I spent ten years with someone that couldn’t make a commitment and couldn’t take that next step to marriage. I don’t know if you can understand how much that hurts unless you live that. Rejection of love with no real reciprocation can fuck up your world for a very long time and I lived with it for a decade.
Anyone who knew us both would have never bet that he would get married before me or ever at all. But yet after only 3 years of our relationship ending, he found someone and is now married. It doesn’t feel real yet but it is.
It has nothing to do with not having “let go” or wanting to be with him again. I was the one the let go because it was the right thing to do for both of us. It has nothing to do with spite or anger as I wish him all the happiness in the world. It has to do with a man that I gave so much to, everything I had in me for ten years, now has changed his mind about commitment and took that step with someone else.
Hearing the news has crushed my world temporarily. Emotions have been rushing through my head and heart. I have felt things that I am not proud of like “how is this fair?” and “how could this happen to him before me?” and I even went to the place of “so he wanted to get married, just not to me”. I’m human. I will give myself a break for having these thoughts but know how pathetic it sounds.
But this was actually the “throwing salt” into an already open wound. On top of this news, I have had recent heartache that has been harder to get over then I would have imagined and I have been struggling with the trying to figure out why.
Since I have been single these past three years, it has felt like the dream of finding happiness with someone again was always running ahead of me. But this spring I meet someone and for the first time it felt like I caught up with the dream and got to live for a moment in unison with it. It was amazing.
But unfortunately it didn’t work out. Out of respect, I won’t go into the details of what happened and honestly don’t think my heart could take it anyway. I have had to shut it down to move on. And besides my best efforts, depression has now set in…temporarily.
So I have not had an easy time dealing with all of this. And I guess I am just coming clean with that fact. On Saturday I was at a crowded party but was a shut down and lonely person in the room. Not an easy thing to do when you are the host. I was able to keep a smile on my face until I got home. And then the tears broke free.
But I will take it all. It is part of living life. Because as hard as all this is, it would be harder for me not to live or be incapable of love. So I end this weekend with a toast to my ex. “I wish you all the happiness you can find. I am proud of you for risking love again and taking that final step to a commitment. Congratulations.”
Until next time.
Christy
To cut to the chase, I spent ten years with someone that couldn’t make a commitment and couldn’t take that next step to marriage. I don’t know if you can understand how much that hurts unless you live that. Rejection of love with no real reciprocation can fuck up your world for a very long time and I lived with it for a decade.
Anyone who knew us both would have never bet that he would get married before me or ever at all. But yet after only 3 years of our relationship ending, he found someone and is now married. It doesn’t feel real yet but it is.
It has nothing to do with not having “let go” or wanting to be with him again. I was the one the let go because it was the right thing to do for both of us. It has nothing to do with spite or anger as I wish him all the happiness in the world. It has to do with a man that I gave so much to, everything I had in me for ten years, now has changed his mind about commitment and took that step with someone else.
Hearing the news has crushed my world temporarily. Emotions have been rushing through my head and heart. I have felt things that I am not proud of like “how is this fair?” and “how could this happen to him before me?” and I even went to the place of “so he wanted to get married, just not to me”. I’m human. I will give myself a break for having these thoughts but know how pathetic it sounds.
But this was actually the “throwing salt” into an already open wound. On top of this news, I have had recent heartache that has been harder to get over then I would have imagined and I have been struggling with the trying to figure out why.
Since I have been single these past three years, it has felt like the dream of finding happiness with someone again was always running ahead of me. But this spring I meet someone and for the first time it felt like I caught up with the dream and got to live for a moment in unison with it. It was amazing.
But unfortunately it didn’t work out. Out of respect, I won’t go into the details of what happened and honestly don’t think my heart could take it anyway. I have had to shut it down to move on. And besides my best efforts, depression has now set in…temporarily.
So I have not had an easy time dealing with all of this. And I guess I am just coming clean with that fact. On Saturday I was at a crowded party but was a shut down and lonely person in the room. Not an easy thing to do when you are the host. I was able to keep a smile on my face until I got home. And then the tears broke free.
But I will take it all. It is part of living life. Because as hard as all this is, it would be harder for me not to live or be incapable of love. So I end this weekend with a toast to my ex. “I wish you all the happiness you can find. I am proud of you for risking love again and taking that final step to a commitment. Congratulations.”
Until next time.
Christy
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Becoming Jane
Tonight I watched the movie Becoming Jane. It is in the theaters now and tells the story of Jane Austen. We all know her books. I have always had a fondness for them as many women do. But I was surprised at how little I knew about the author.
I had known that she started writing at the age of 16. She turned down many marriage proposals because she would not marry without affection which was unheard of in those days as most marriages were based on money. Daughters were to marry for wealth to support their families. That was their purpose in society.
But Jane did fall in love and I think we all knew that. Those stories could not have been written by someone that did not know love. But to my surprise, they were written by a woman who never married because she could not be with the man she did love.
It is a really good story and movie for that matter, and I will save you the pleasure of finding out all the details if you do decide to watch or research it. But after the film, my friend and I were so sad that someone who could write the beautiful book, Pride and Prejudice, did not get to have a happy ending herself. Jane Austen only wrote of happy endings; she never lived one.
That sadden me. A women who devoted her life to writing about love never lived these dreams of hers but only wrote about them. Thank God she did as they have brought so many generations of people happiness and inspiration. But the injustice of it kind of left a lump in my throat.
Upon returning home, I searched for my copy of one of her books to see if it had more bio information in it. And to my surprise I found an old aged letter in the inside back cover. I could not remember it or remember putting it there so I began to read. This is what it said.
I write this in fear that I shall not be able to express how my heart feels before my time passes on this great earth.
To express the feel of love or just bask in the greatness of love is what I am a follower of.
I pass through life with a smile that is the pure reaction from the swelling of emotion burning in my heart.
I am bewildered that the danger of this beauty causes so many to run away from the very thing they should not live without.
And, I am sadden by the knowledge that everyone has the ability to love this richly and yet so few will allow themselves this way of life.
These are the feelings or lessons I wish to teach and always want to be a student of to help those avoid the tragedy of never knowing love.
As I was reading this I began to cry. I realized this was a letter I wrote many years ago. And I began to feel old. It is hard when you realize the toll that time has taken on you.
In so many ways I am still the young, naïve, fearless, hopeful girl that wrote that. But now, only glimpse of her. Time and life experiences have changed her into a different woman today. One who is wiser, very fearful and in times lacking much hope. But I sat there and smiled through my tears, remembering myself.
For years they say that Jane Austin edited Pride and Prejudice before she would allow it to be published. I sat there and wondered what time and life experiences did to that young girl to edit that story for so many years. She said that if she couldn’t have a happy ending that she would allow her characters to have many of them.
And I sat there feeling scared that if such an amazing and knowledgeable woman did not get her “happy ending” in life how the hell will the rest of us? I don’t know all the details of her life and am not judging it in anyway. I am only expressing sadness.
The irony of it all is that I had wanted to be a teacher of love so badly in my youth but feel that I may have learned far more then I have ever taught.
Until next time.
Christy
I had known that she started writing at the age of 16. She turned down many marriage proposals because she would not marry without affection which was unheard of in those days as most marriages were based on money. Daughters were to marry for wealth to support their families. That was their purpose in society.
But Jane did fall in love and I think we all knew that. Those stories could not have been written by someone that did not know love. But to my surprise, they were written by a woman who never married because she could not be with the man she did love.
It is a really good story and movie for that matter, and I will save you the pleasure of finding out all the details if you do decide to watch or research it. But after the film, my friend and I were so sad that someone who could write the beautiful book, Pride and Prejudice, did not get to have a happy ending herself. Jane Austen only wrote of happy endings; she never lived one.
That sadden me. A women who devoted her life to writing about love never lived these dreams of hers but only wrote about them. Thank God she did as they have brought so many generations of people happiness and inspiration. But the injustice of it kind of left a lump in my throat.
Upon returning home, I searched for my copy of one of her books to see if it had more bio information in it. And to my surprise I found an old aged letter in the inside back cover. I could not remember it or remember putting it there so I began to read. This is what it said.
I write this in fear that I shall not be able to express how my heart feels before my time passes on this great earth.
To express the feel of love or just bask in the greatness of love is what I am a follower of.
I pass through life with a smile that is the pure reaction from the swelling of emotion burning in my heart.
I am bewildered that the danger of this beauty causes so many to run away from the very thing they should not live without.
And, I am sadden by the knowledge that everyone has the ability to love this richly and yet so few will allow themselves this way of life.
These are the feelings or lessons I wish to teach and always want to be a student of to help those avoid the tragedy of never knowing love.
As I was reading this I began to cry. I realized this was a letter I wrote many years ago. And I began to feel old. It is hard when you realize the toll that time has taken on you.
In so many ways I am still the young, naïve, fearless, hopeful girl that wrote that. But now, only glimpse of her. Time and life experiences have changed her into a different woman today. One who is wiser, very fearful and in times lacking much hope. But I sat there and smiled through my tears, remembering myself.
For years they say that Jane Austin edited Pride and Prejudice before she would allow it to be published. I sat there and wondered what time and life experiences did to that young girl to edit that story for so many years. She said that if she couldn’t have a happy ending that she would allow her characters to have many of them.
And I sat there feeling scared that if such an amazing and knowledgeable woman did not get her “happy ending” in life how the hell will the rest of us? I don’t know all the details of her life and am not judging it in anyway. I am only expressing sadness.
The irony of it all is that I had wanted to be a teacher of love so badly in my youth but feel that I may have learned far more then I have ever taught.
Until next time.
Christy
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Not Because You Can but Because You Should
Ever get so wrapped up in your life you forget to do what makes you happy? I have done that recently. I unfortunately have struggled these past few weeks with some intense physical pain from some set backs in physical therapy and that always throws my life in some what of a downward tailspin. Wrestling with that much pain is not only tough on your body but wreaks havoc on your piece of mind. Staying positive becomes an uphill battle. But this is my life and I have to live it.
If you know me, you know that I can be a stubborn person and never like accepting limitations. But this time, I accepted. My body was in no shape for grand gestures of my mind and tenacious spirit. So each day I have been doing what I can to simple get through the day. And slowly it gets better.
Today I took what I like to refer to as a soul day. I never liked referring to them as sick days because if you already don’t feel good why make it worse by calling it what it is. See, stubborn to no end. But none the less, still taking a day to refuel the body and soul.
I spend the day totally alone. Cutting out the world for awhile. I focused on not thinking, as I have probably been doing a little too much of that lately. And I did things that I have defined through out my life that make me happy.
I slept in as long as I wanted and turned off my phone and computer. I watched back to back movies including a new French film with subtitles to one of my classic favorites, Bull Durham. I took the time to cook a sensual meal that of course included dessert. And to end my day, danced around in sexy underwear to fantastic French music!
The sad thing is I couldn’t remember the last time I did that. Did the things that not only make me happy but remind me how amazing it is to be a women. If you ever need help, throw on an Edith Piaf album and you will see what I mean.
My point is there are things that feed a women’s soul and so often we get to busy to remember to do them, let alone relish in them as we should. Allow ourselves to feed on the things that make us feel passionate in life. And bask in the beauty of our defined soul stirring oddities that make us the unique women we are.
So the next time you are feeling yourself slip away. Slow down, shut off your world and listen to the song, La Vie En Rose. Then sit back and let your fantasies lead your day. I promise you, the next day, you will have that secret, sexy smile back where it belongs.
Until next time.
Christy
Currently listening : The Voice of the Sparrow: The Very Best of Edith Piaf By Edith Piaf Release date: 30 July, 1991
If you know me, you know that I can be a stubborn person and never like accepting limitations. But this time, I accepted. My body was in no shape for grand gestures of my mind and tenacious spirit. So each day I have been doing what I can to simple get through the day. And slowly it gets better.
Today I took what I like to refer to as a soul day. I never liked referring to them as sick days because if you already don’t feel good why make it worse by calling it what it is. See, stubborn to no end. But none the less, still taking a day to refuel the body and soul.
I spend the day totally alone. Cutting out the world for awhile. I focused on not thinking, as I have probably been doing a little too much of that lately. And I did things that I have defined through out my life that make me happy.
I slept in as long as I wanted and turned off my phone and computer. I watched back to back movies including a new French film with subtitles to one of my classic favorites, Bull Durham. I took the time to cook a sensual meal that of course included dessert. And to end my day, danced around in sexy underwear to fantastic French music!
The sad thing is I couldn’t remember the last time I did that. Did the things that not only make me happy but remind me how amazing it is to be a women. If you ever need help, throw on an Edith Piaf album and you will see what I mean.
My point is there are things that feed a women’s soul and so often we get to busy to remember to do them, let alone relish in them as we should. Allow ourselves to feed on the things that make us feel passionate in life. And bask in the beauty of our defined soul stirring oddities that make us the unique women we are.
So the next time you are feeling yourself slip away. Slow down, shut off your world and listen to the song, La Vie En Rose. Then sit back and let your fantasies lead your day. I promise you, the next day, you will have that secret, sexy smile back where it belongs.
Until next time.
Christy
Currently listening : The Voice of the Sparrow: The Very Best of Edith Piaf By Edith Piaf Release date: 30 July, 1991
Friday, August 10, 2007
Leaving on a Jet Plane
The one place I have always loved was the airport. There is no better place to loose yourself as one of the masses then a crowded terminal. Many times I have just stood to the side and watched the chaotic dance that happens.
You can see every kind of emotion if you pay attention. Those happy to get away on a trip they have been counting the minutes for. Those happy to get a break from their everyday lives or going on that big interview they have been praying for. And even those so sad to leave where they have just been replying the recent memories in their head like a movie they never want to end.
You see the people so wrapped up in their own stress that they don’t even realize how rude they are to all those around them just trying to do the same thing they are. And you see so many on cell phones trying to temporarily escape the chaos that they don’t take the time to say hello to the person sitting next to them at the gate. The funny thing that always surprises me is I tend to get weird looks from people for simply having a smile on my face or saying “thank you” like it is such an uncommon thing to see or here there.
Occasionally you see some things that make your heart sink. Loved ones fighting and forgetting to cherish each other. Families each on a cell phone or the kids with video games forgetting to actually talk to each other on their family vacation. And you see loved ones have to say good bye knowing it will be a long time before they will be able to be together again.
On a recent trip I sat next to a young woman who could not contain the tears as she sat there trembling by the gate listening to her iPod. In a weird way, I didn’t have to ask her what was wrong to know, I just some how knew. Maybe it takes having been in that kind of place before to know why. And I wanted so badly to reach out to her but also knew that although those moments are always hard to go through we have to feel them to move on with our own lives.
But through it all, I have seen so many happy reunions there that it still remains a special place for me. I love just sitting there and taking it all in. Just watching pure joy, excitement and love all around you. It is an amazing sight to see if you take the time do so and one very hard to find anywhere else in our lives. The movie Love Actually captures this in a scene and I am always overwhelmed with emotion watching it.
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that some times it leaves a sense of longing for me. I travel a lot for my job and over the years have longed to be one of those that has someone so happy to have me returning home to them. Being that one person’s face that they look for in the crowd and then get that light in their eyes and see that smile flood their face when they find me. But until then, I will continue to happily be a fan of those that have that.
In a time when we now face terrorism, security lines and anxiety when traveling, I urge you to still try and look around at all the emotion you can see in the faces of the strangers around you. Because when you do on some level for a small amount of time, you realize they are not strangers at all. And who knows, maybe the next time you travel you might just see your trip in a whole new light.
Until next time,
Christy
Currently listening : The Village Sessions By John Mayer Release date: 12 December, 2006
You can see every kind of emotion if you pay attention. Those happy to get away on a trip they have been counting the minutes for. Those happy to get a break from their everyday lives or going on that big interview they have been praying for. And even those so sad to leave where they have just been replying the recent memories in their head like a movie they never want to end.
You see the people so wrapped up in their own stress that they don’t even realize how rude they are to all those around them just trying to do the same thing they are. And you see so many on cell phones trying to temporarily escape the chaos that they don’t take the time to say hello to the person sitting next to them at the gate. The funny thing that always surprises me is I tend to get weird looks from people for simply having a smile on my face or saying “thank you” like it is such an uncommon thing to see or here there.
Occasionally you see some things that make your heart sink. Loved ones fighting and forgetting to cherish each other. Families each on a cell phone or the kids with video games forgetting to actually talk to each other on their family vacation. And you see loved ones have to say good bye knowing it will be a long time before they will be able to be together again.
On a recent trip I sat next to a young woman who could not contain the tears as she sat there trembling by the gate listening to her iPod. In a weird way, I didn’t have to ask her what was wrong to know, I just some how knew. Maybe it takes having been in that kind of place before to know why. And I wanted so badly to reach out to her but also knew that although those moments are always hard to go through we have to feel them to move on with our own lives.
But through it all, I have seen so many happy reunions there that it still remains a special place for me. I love just sitting there and taking it all in. Just watching pure joy, excitement and love all around you. It is an amazing sight to see if you take the time do so and one very hard to find anywhere else in our lives. The movie Love Actually captures this in a scene and I am always overwhelmed with emotion watching it.
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that some times it leaves a sense of longing for me. I travel a lot for my job and over the years have longed to be one of those that has someone so happy to have me returning home to them. Being that one person’s face that they look for in the crowd and then get that light in their eyes and see that smile flood their face when they find me. But until then, I will continue to happily be a fan of those that have that.
In a time when we now face terrorism, security lines and anxiety when traveling, I urge you to still try and look around at all the emotion you can see in the faces of the strangers around you. Because when you do on some level for a small amount of time, you realize they are not strangers at all. And who knows, maybe the next time you travel you might just see your trip in a whole new light.
Until next time,
Christy
Currently listening : The Village Sessions By John Mayer Release date: 12 December, 2006
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Courage
I have kept myself captive in my home over these past few days reading. I love a good book. The kind of book so good you become obsessed and spend an entire day wrapped up in it loosing your sense of reality. That kind of book.
My latest read, I will admit was the final Harry Potter book. It was by chance that I ever started reading them. My younger brother and my father had both read the first one and wouldn’t stop talking about it. I kept protesting that it was a children’s book and really didn’t have any interest. But they said just try reading it and I would see why they loved it. They were right. By the first chapter I was hooked. I can’t explain what it is but J.K. Rowling has a way of writing that makes you feel like you are not even reading.
What a unique group of books. She has created stories that have captured the interests of several different age groups and that will be shared for many generations to come. And if you want to view them as children’s books, they carry a more realistic lesson to be taught about the reality of life and its ups and downs then any fairytale I have ever heard.
The one thing that stuck in my mind the most after finishing the books is they are about a story of courage. The whole series is about the choices you make and how they affect your life as well as others in your world. Looking past all the magic, the stories remind us that life is not easy and that you will have hard choices and some will be painful. That is something I can support far more then teaching children a story about a glass slipper.
This young boy in the stories has the weight of saving his world on his shoulders, literally, and over the years you see the kind of character that his courage builds from the choices he makes and the lessons he chooses to learn from his mistakes. How many of us feel like we have the weight of our world on our shoulders, figuratively, and what do we do about it?
One of my favorite quotes is “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”. I love looking and respecting life in this way. And it is the amount of courage we let ourselves have that helps us make choices. It is not easy to have courage but in the times that I have found it, I have had my life expand from those outcomes. The times when I have not, I watched my world narrow and have been left with regrets.
The choices don’t always have to be epic like the characters’ in the books, like saving someone’s life or fighting for your country, although those are the easiest to identify. Most choices can be a little harder to see in our everyday lives. But we know when they present themselves by the feeling we get in the pit of our stomach. And then we have to make a choice.
That is the part that builds our character. Making that difficult decision and facing the outcomes. Even when we are too scared and do nothing, ironically that is still a choice and has outcomes we face; sometimes greater then what we originally feared. Some of those even become the baggage we carry with us from not finding the courage in ourselves to act.
Developing courage in ourselves is something to be proud of. If you haven’t read the books, I urge you to do so they are a good reminder of this. I hope you love them as much as I did. And it doesn’t hurt to have a little magic in your imagination. Who knows what creative doors it might open.
Until next time.
Christy
My latest read, I will admit was the final Harry Potter book. It was by chance that I ever started reading them. My younger brother and my father had both read the first one and wouldn’t stop talking about it. I kept protesting that it was a children’s book and really didn’t have any interest. But they said just try reading it and I would see why they loved it. They were right. By the first chapter I was hooked. I can’t explain what it is but J.K. Rowling has a way of writing that makes you feel like you are not even reading.
What a unique group of books. She has created stories that have captured the interests of several different age groups and that will be shared for many generations to come. And if you want to view them as children’s books, they carry a more realistic lesson to be taught about the reality of life and its ups and downs then any fairytale I have ever heard.
The one thing that stuck in my mind the most after finishing the books is they are about a story of courage. The whole series is about the choices you make and how they affect your life as well as others in your world. Looking past all the magic, the stories remind us that life is not easy and that you will have hard choices and some will be painful. That is something I can support far more then teaching children a story about a glass slipper.
This young boy in the stories has the weight of saving his world on his shoulders, literally, and over the years you see the kind of character that his courage builds from the choices he makes and the lessons he chooses to learn from his mistakes. How many of us feel like we have the weight of our world on our shoulders, figuratively, and what do we do about it?
One of my favorite quotes is “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”. I love looking and respecting life in this way. And it is the amount of courage we let ourselves have that helps us make choices. It is not easy to have courage but in the times that I have found it, I have had my life expand from those outcomes. The times when I have not, I watched my world narrow and have been left with regrets.
The choices don’t always have to be epic like the characters’ in the books, like saving someone’s life or fighting for your country, although those are the easiest to identify. Most choices can be a little harder to see in our everyday lives. But we know when they present themselves by the feeling we get in the pit of our stomach. And then we have to make a choice.
That is the part that builds our character. Making that difficult decision and facing the outcomes. Even when we are too scared and do nothing, ironically that is still a choice and has outcomes we face; sometimes greater then what we originally feared. Some of those even become the baggage we carry with us from not finding the courage in ourselves to act.
Developing courage in ourselves is something to be proud of. If you haven’t read the books, I urge you to do so they are a good reminder of this. I hope you love them as much as I did. And it doesn’t hurt to have a little magic in your imagination. Who knows what creative doors it might open.
Until next time.
Christy
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Repairs Needed
I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested? I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think he might be interested but do I want to be interested but now he's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss him? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
I would love to take credit for that humor but it is from a scene in one of my favorite movies, Wedding Crashers and brings up a great point. Dating is awkward and complex and more times then not you are left disappointed after the evening is over. You had high expectations and let’s be honest, when is the last time someone has met those or more importantly wanted to meet those? The dating world has developed into a lazy, selfish, sexual world.
Most are lazy and don’t want to work at anything. There is no incentive for commitment anymore. Others are selfish because they can be. And it is easier to sleep with someone then date them and in the extreme, even be honest with them. It starts to make more sense that there are so many single people out there.
The consequences of this kind of world begin to form. It becomes hard to see past our scars. We become detached because we can. Much of what we do, say and act is based on our past experiences and what we have learned to expect. New people in our life, pay for past lovers mistakes. We throw away time because we feel it is expendable, as so much else is in our lives.
I am sad to say but have found myself at a crossroads in life with it all. I have begun to question if I have taken on a load too strong to carry anymore of wanting more.
Maybe I try and put too much into “it”…life, love, desire, optimism. Someone questioned me of that lately and it is one of those things that you can’t shake after you hear someone think it about you. Especially from someone you care about. I don’t know. Maybe I do. Maybe I just don’t know how to go out in the world without a little fire in my soul. Duly noted; maybe I should learn to extinguish it.
Until next time,
Christy
Currently listening : The Breakthrough By Mary J. Blige Release date: 20 December, 2005
I would love to take credit for that humor but it is from a scene in one of my favorite movies, Wedding Crashers and brings up a great point. Dating is awkward and complex and more times then not you are left disappointed after the evening is over. You had high expectations and let’s be honest, when is the last time someone has met those or more importantly wanted to meet those? The dating world has developed into a lazy, selfish, sexual world.
Most are lazy and don’t want to work at anything. There is no incentive for commitment anymore. Others are selfish because they can be. And it is easier to sleep with someone then date them and in the extreme, even be honest with them. It starts to make more sense that there are so many single people out there.
The consequences of this kind of world begin to form. It becomes hard to see past our scars. We become detached because we can. Much of what we do, say and act is based on our past experiences and what we have learned to expect. New people in our life, pay for past lovers mistakes. We throw away time because we feel it is expendable, as so much else is in our lives.
I am sad to say but have found myself at a crossroads in life with it all. I have begun to question if I have taken on a load too strong to carry anymore of wanting more.
Maybe I try and put too much into “it”…life, love, desire, optimism. Someone questioned me of that lately and it is one of those things that you can’t shake after you hear someone think it about you. Especially from someone you care about. I don’t know. Maybe I do. Maybe I just don’t know how to go out in the world without a little fire in my soul. Duly noted; maybe I should learn to extinguish it.
Until next time,
Christy
Currently listening : The Breakthrough By Mary J. Blige Release date: 20 December, 2005
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