Becoming Jane

Tonight I watched the movie Becoming Jane. It is in the theaters now and tells the story of Jane Austen. We all know her books. I have always had a fondness for them as many women do. But I was surprised at how little I knew about the author.

I had known that she started writing at the age of 16. She turned down many marriage proposals because she would not marry without affection which was unheard of in those days as most marriages were based on money. Daughters were to marry for wealth to support their families. That was their purpose in society.

But Jane did fall in love and I think we all knew that. Those stories could not have been written by someone that did not know love. But to my surprise, they were written by a woman who never married because she could not be with the man she did love.

It is a really good story and movie for that matter, and I will save you the pleasure of finding out all the details if you do decide to watch or research it. But after the film, my friend and I were so sad that someone who could write the beautiful book, Pride and Prejudice, did not get to have a happy ending herself. Jane Austen only wrote of happy endings; she never lived one.

That sadden me. A women who devoted her life to writing about love never lived these dreams of hers but only wrote about them. Thank God she did as they have brought so many generations of people happiness and inspiration. But the injustice of it kind of left a lump in my throat.

Upon returning home, I searched for my copy of one of her books to see if it had more bio information in it. And to my surprise I found an old aged letter in the inside back cover. I could not remember it or remember putting it there so I began to read. This is what it said.


I write this in fear that I shall not be able to express how my heart feels before my time passes on this great earth.

To express the feel of love or just bask in the greatness of love is what I am a follower of.

I pass through life with a smile that is the pure reaction from the swelling of emotion burning in my heart.

I am bewildered that the danger of this beauty causes so many to run away from the very thing they should not live without.

And, I am sadden by the knowledge that everyone has the ability to love this richly and yet so few will allow themselves this way of life.

These are the feelings or lessons I wish to teach and always want to be a student of to help those avoid the tragedy of never knowing love.


As I was reading this I began to cry. I realized this was a letter I wrote many years ago. And I began to feel old. It is hard when you realize the toll that time has taken on you.

In so many ways I am still the young, naïve, fearless, hopeful girl that wrote that. But now, only glimpse of her. Time and life experiences have changed her into a different woman today. One who is wiser, very fearful and in times lacking much hope. But I sat there and smiled through my tears, remembering myself.

For years they say that Jane Austin edited Pride and Prejudice before she would allow it to be published. I sat there and wondered what time and life experiences did to that young girl to edit that story for so many years. She said that if she couldn’t have a happy ending that she would allow her characters to have many of them.

And I sat there feeling scared that if such an amazing and knowledgeable woman did not get her “happy ending” in life how the hell will the rest of us? I don’t know all the details of her life and am not judging it in anyway. I am only expressing sadness.

The irony of it all is that I had wanted to be a teacher of love so badly in my youth but feel that I may have learned far more then I have ever taught.

Until next time.

Christy