Repairs Needed

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested? I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think he might be interested but do I want to be interested but now he's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss him? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.


I would love to take credit for that humor but it is from a scene in one of my favorite movies, Wedding Crashers and brings up a great point. Dating is awkward and complex and more times then not you are left disappointed after the evening is over. You had high expectations and let’s be honest, when is the last time someone has met those or more importantly wanted to meet those? The dating world has developed into a lazy, selfish, sexual world.

Most are lazy and don’t want to work at anything. There is no incentive for commitment anymore. Others are selfish because they can be. And it is easier to sleep with someone then date them and in the extreme, even be honest with them. It starts to make more sense that there are so many single people out there.

The consequences of this kind of world begin to form. It becomes hard to see past our scars. We become detached because we can. Much of what we do, say and act is based on our past experiences and what we have learned to expect. New people in our life, pay for past lovers mistakes. We throw away time because we feel it is expendable, as so much else is in our lives.

I am sad to say but have found myself at a crossroads in life with it all. I have begun to question if I have taken on a load too strong to carry anymore of wanting more.

Maybe I try and put too much into “it”…life, love, desire, optimism. Someone questioned me of that lately and it is one of those things that you can’t shake after you hear someone think it about you. Especially from someone you care about. I don’t know. Maybe I do. Maybe I just don’t know how to go out in the world without a little fire in my soul. Duly noted; maybe I should learn to extinguish it.

Until next time,

Christy

Currently listening : The Breakthrough By Mary J. Blige Release date: 20 December, 2005