Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that I think some of us forget what it is truly about.  I am the first person that will tell you it is my favorite meal of the year!  I have many health issues with food but this is the one meal of the year I just truly enjoy it! But thanksgiving is really an opportunity to give thanks for all that we have in our lives.

Giving thanks is something that may not be easy for some or may not come to mind in our busy lives.  But if you remember how precious life is and how short it is, giving thanks is not only a gift we give others it is a gift we give ourselves. 

Live is so short.  Tomorrow is never promised.  And many of us are so focused on the future and our dreams and goals that we forget to actual live for today. 

But giving thanks and having gratitude allows us the opportunity to slow down and actually look at the amazing things that has been brought to our lives.  And doing this just because we can is much more meaningful then doing it because we soon may not be able to do so.  Don’t wait for live to give you a reason to give thanks, do it because you can give joy to those that bring that into your life.

I am thankful for my family.  I cannot express into words how much I love them all and how grateful I am to be a part of them.  I am thankful for my friends. They are the family we choose.  I am fortunate to have the most amazing friends.  I truly believe I am a better person for knowing each and every one of them. 

I am grateful for my relentless undying hope.  At times it has been a frustrating trait to have especially when it seems there is no hope to have but I believe that someday it may be my greatest attribute. 

I am grateful for being able to provide for myself.  It has been a humbling struggle this year to do so but that makes the accomplishment all the more valued and appreciated. 

I am grateful to do what I love in work and in life.  My job affords me the opportunity to be able to do both.  I have been able to find myself and take pleasure at being able to work in something I am passionate about, helping others. 

And I am grateful for humility.  It is a special thing that is hard to embrace but if you can find the strength and wisdom to do so, it opens the door to finding the secrets to your soul.

And finally I am grateful for life.  We lose so many loved ones each day.  And with each loss we lose so much of our lives.  But by death we are given the gift to appreciate life.  It is a reminder to just how special each day can be for us and the ones we love.  Live each day.  Squeeze everything you can out of each day because you can.  And if you don’t know why you should, just look in the eyes of someone that has lost the one they love.

Until next time,

Christy

Reflections of a Heart

They say the things we seek are a reflection of what we are missing from ourselves.  If we are confused, we look to others thinking they must surely know the answers.  If we are looking for happiness, it surely must be on the other side of finishing that certain task or accomplishment.  And if we are looking for love, it surely must be with him or her. 

And when these things elude us we tend to think we need to try harder.  Read another book or ask another friend.  Climb the bigger mountain.  Or it must not be the right person and start dating someone new.

But I have been taught recently to look at life differently and understand that what we seek is really what we feel we are lacking within ourselves.  Our first thought is that everything we seek must be outside ourselves but in fact it is not.  And we are so focused on finding what we seek that we seldom try unlocking what all our seeking means. 

I seek love.  And despite dating some wonderful men in my life, love has eluded me.  I am still single.  I do wonder why at times and am sad that I haven’t found someone to spend my life with.  But until recently I never thought to look inwardly.

I never thought that my seeking of love in this world could be a mirror to where I needed to work on myself.  I forgot to ask myself, did I feel loveable?  And did I love myself, with all my qualities and especially with all my flaws?  These kinds of questions seem to make us feel embarrassed or defensive and ones we seem to avoid but they are a key to unlocking the love we seek. 

It was very hard to admit that if I was brutally honest with myself, I didn’t.  A quote really hit me: “We can become masters at climbing the mountains of the world instead of breaking a trail to the center of our woundedness.”  I never thought that the reason love with a man hasn’t worked out for me yet was because I didn’t love myself. 

Somehow I had let the scars of my life change my love for myself.  I had felt abandoned by love and then abandoned my love for myself.  And I had lost faith that anyone out there really would love me as much as I wanted him to. 

I became fearful of the thing I wanted the most. I was so afraid if he really saw who I was, he wouldn’t love me.  From this wounded place, I built a house of walls.  I was alone but didn’t realize it was from my own volition.

I had masked my fear in bad relationship choices and decisions but the reality was I was afraid to be loved even by myself and especially by another.  And recently that fear cost me one of the most important things in my life.     

For me it took that painful experience of loss before I realized what I was doing to myself and not doing for myself. And I began to see how my lack of self love was affecting all aspects of my life.   From this humble place, I realized I needed to love myself again. 

Seeing myself now so raw and exposed, I could see who I was before all the scars formed and all that I have grown since them.   In this new vulnerability, I found compassion not judgment for my mistakes.  And from there came a willingness and openness to love myself again. 

You cannot give more love than you have to give.  And you can never receive more love than you are prepared to receive.  These words helped change my life. 

Love doesn’t take faith. Love is real. Love can be held, felt, nurture you, and learned from. Believing in it is what takes faith.  I don’t think I really knew that before or clearly saw the difference.  And I am eager now to see what this new perspective will mean to my life. 

Until next time,

Christy